Author Archives: Paw Prints in the Butter

Somewhere, a woman is writing a poem. She’s calling the poem ‘Somewhere’ because she doesn’t know where she is. The food pushed through the hatch in her door is unfamiliar: hard flat breads with a taste of unknown spice, thin … Continue reading →

If you dine at St Aubin La Ferté, And the waitress is pretty and flirty, It’s so you’ll overlook The food (badly cooked) And the fact that the cutlery’s dirty.

Said the lecherous prof to Michele: ‘If you really desire to do well, With extra tuition (And a bit of coition) I’ll ensure you get top marks, ma belle.’

Said a food critic dining at Tours: ‘I’m not coming here any more. The food’s so inedible I think it’s incredible That they gave it not three stars but four.’ The patron, who heard him, cried ‘Zut! You’re a crass, … Continue reading →

The Olympics are over and done And just look at the medals we’ve won! Now let’s hope there are plenty In the year twenty twenty In the land of the old Rising Sun.

A delusional chap called Mahoney Confided one day to a crony: ‘I’ve discovered I’m God. Don’t you think that is odd?’ ‘Not odd,’ said his friend, ‘just baloney.’

I love to go down to the sea With a snack and a thermos of tea. The gulls come and beg For a scrap of scotch egg But I’m keeping the sandwich for me.

A baker whose surname was Donne Got annoyed when his friends called him Bun. ‘Don’t call me a cake,’ He cried: ‘I may bake But when I have finished, I’m Donne.’

A novice while skiing off-piste Once muddled his west and his east. He flew off the edge Of a rather high ledge And returned with his skis somewhat creased.

Cried an out-of-work actress: ‘Disaster! I’ve broken my leg – it’s in plaster.’ Said her agent: ‘Too bad. Still, she ought to be glad That someone has finally “cast” her.’