Author Archives: Paw Prints in the Butter

I heard them discussing tajine So I asked them: ‘Just what does that mean? Is it lentils, or lamb? Or strawberry jam? Or escargots in a terrine?’ They said: ‘It’s a posh word for stew. And it’s ever so easy … Continue reading →

Cried a flighty young lady from Rustington: ‘I’ve done all my chores, got my dusting done. I’ll go out on the pull.’ Which she did – to the full! Then returned with a smile, all her lusting done.

(One elderly lady to another in the ladies’ room at the Chichester Festival Theatre: “Of course designers don’t want instructions spoiling their, erm, designs, but I’m just thinking: ‘Where’s the handle?’”) Which got me thinking… I remember the loo. It … Continue reading →

Desert Island Discs How I long to be left for a while With eight favourite discs in a pile. (No cooking! No chores! No telephone bores!) On a warm, uninhabited isle

http://www.wadars.co.uk I can think of several reasons for encouraging you to buy ‘Paw Prints in the Butter’. You might enjoy it? Right. It’s a perfect birthday gift for your elderly aunt who adores cats? Right. It puts money in my … Continue reading →

Propositioned, a trendy Madame Said non to a randy gendarme. ‘It just isn’t chic, Having sex with a flic,’ She explained with a trace of alarm.

Michael Flanders encountered a gnu Not, as you’d expect, in a zoo. Rustington by the sea (where he happened to be) Can seemingly boast of one, too.

There’s a bar in the town of Auxerre That’s run by Barthélémy frères, Where they’ll ply you with whisky Until you feel frisky, Then sell you their sister, pas chère!

My writing day began today at 3 a.m. I blame the worm. If you are a writer, you know the worm. It’s that little voice that pipes up just as you are drifting peacefully to sleep or – worse still … Continue reading →

Cried an angry young lady from Brest: ‘Physique-wise I haven’t been blessed. And I’m tired of the fun People poke at my buns And the absence of curves on my chest. So I’m off to a clinic in Nantes Recommended … Continue reading →